Sit down with your fear.

Awesome

RECAP: E and S and J and B gather for a chat. S says something to B that J thought was "off limits." Hand motions and eyes blinking. B picks up on the tension and says "What?" Crowd disperses. E is in the dark cause he was in the can.

B splits group, pissed, alienated. Talks to E and describes frustration, anger. Talks about PAIN AND MEMORIES OF BEING ALIENATED ALL HIS LIFE. HE WANTS TO LASH OUT IN A FURY OF ANGER. HE WANTS TO WOLLOP SOMEONE.

E is worried for B. E figures it's his fault that B and J are arguing cause he wasn't there to mediate in the first place. E feels he has to FIX things.

So, E encourages B to email J and express his feelings. E checked with J to see if he was open to a give and take. J says he's open, (but he later admits he was feeling defensive). This was fueled by B's email that referred to the old days of womping people. B called J out by calling J childish. He reamed him good, and yet wound up his email with a call for 'letting it go;" a clean slate. "I've NEVER done this before," he announces.

Now J's response. Explitives and phrases like Alpha male. "Don't do me any favors," read between the lines.

E see's things escalting and contacts each J and B. He's still looking to "fix" things. "Let's take some time with this guys. Let's just cool down and try emailing again in a week or so."

2 weeks goes by and E is still feeling the tension of unfinished business. J is feeling his words creep in on him and echo in his head. Brian is wondering if E will choose him or the other, if he will wind up on the outside looking in...again.

Then an email, from J. "I've been thinking about what you actually said, at the end of your email, after you spoke your feelings. Your offer of starting anew. I was being childish. I am insecure and say dumb stuff sometimes. I'm sorry B."

"I totally accept" - B

I am so inspired by my fellow Shadows. It took a few weeks, but you both sat down with your fear, with your questions about who you are as communicators, as adults, and you kept at it.

And so, resolution.

I am awestruck by this exchange. You are two of the greatest men I know.

Detox Blues

For oh so long, I was flying high.
10 years, I hardly can remember them.
For oh so long I was wasted.
Could it be, I was crying out for help?

Detoxification
Realization
Now I see, so much more in store for me.

All I know, all I see and do.
I feel no shame.
Now I see, to be the same.
I'd have to....do it all again.

Didn't care if I lived or died.
Felt myself, totally invisible.
I don't know what was wrong with me.
Late at night, I lied crying in my bed.

Detoxification
Realization
Now I see, so much more in store for me.

All I know, all I see and do.
I feel no shame.
Now I see, to be the same.
I'd have to....do it all again.

Ambition

Ambition, what is ambition ?
A push from behind, toe the line,
Prepare to compete.

And all they can say about failure, is try again till you succeed.
So here I stare into my tea. Reading the leaves.

Can't tell the others about lonliness, cause misery dreads company.

Shall I say "so long?"
No ! That would be wrong.

Dreams, lost, gone.
Know what I knew all along.

Welcome

This is my 1st entry ever on a blog. I'm sending this to all the guys I know, who I thought might enjoy this sort of interaction. I encourage you all to forward this to guys you know too.

Of course, women can chime in, but they need to try and be sensitive to what what we're working towards. That is, men working on healing themselves, eachother and the planet. (big job huh?)

So here goes.

The last couple of actual groups I facilitated got a bit hairy. Shoulders thrown back, defensive postures. If we are to address our common issues, compulsions, pride, self-image....feelings, we need to set some ground rules. ONe might say "open communication." But we need to set up parameters as well.

So here's where I suggest we start. NO Swearing, cursing, threatening or name calling. Let's choose our words carefully. Think about dual meanings and be sensitive to the reader. By abstaining from foul language, we are forced express feelings and thoughts more concisely.

For instance: "FUCK YOU !" may mean, "I'm insulted." It could also mean "this discussion is over." For the sake of Spirited and Meaningful dialogue, let's say what we mean and avoid hiding behind these kinds of phrases. So, swearing at me will reult in a termnation of dialogue with me.

OK ! are you up for it?

Here's my thought for this first relay of male insight: Taken from Jed Diamonds book, A Warriors Journey Home: Every year the world spends one trillion dollars on armaments, and a half trillion dollars on illegal drugs. Now add the money we spend on alcohol, nicotine, gambling, pornography.

Do these expendatures reflect what Men value ?